


and the sun came out

by cantfolddolan



Series: Fever Dream [1]
Category: Dolan Twins - Fandom, The Dolan Twins
Genre: Angst, Blood, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Twins, grayson is the best of bros, i mean it's the twins guys they get hurt doing stupid shit often
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 12:04:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18604171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cantfolddolan/pseuds/cantfolddolan
Summary: And this – this is the moment.Covered in sand, slightly sweaty from the late afternoon heat, and sprawled out on the ground, this is the moment it all changes. There’s a hand reaching out to you, and you grasp it. The sun’s blinding you from this angle, so you let the guy help you up. Knocking sand off of your clothes where you can, you finally glance up to take in the person in front of you. And wow.





	and the sun came out

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> This is the introduction to a series called Fever Dream that I'm writing about life with Ethan. I'll continue to update the tags as each piece is added.
> 
> Let me know if there are any tags you think I missed.
> 
> I usually listen to music that inspires me as I write. The songs for this piece were:  
> Start of Time by Gabrielle Aplin  
> The Night We Met by Lord Huron

_You roll over, letting out a soft puff of air and pushing the hair from your face. You’re warm, the soft blankets around you cocooning you as you snuggle deeper._

_So what woke you?_

_You peak open your eyes, and there it is. Or, well, he is. Back lit by the bright lights of his desktop is the waker of your dreams, both figuratively and literally. He’s got his back to you, and you can hear the soft click of a controller joystick hitting hard plastic. The smooth muscles of his unclothed back twitch as he shifts his hands to the side._

_It takes a moment to pull your eyes from him and cuddle back into the pillow._

_Softly, you whisper, “E? Come to bed.”_

_Ethan glances back over his shoulder at you and raises an eyebrow._

_“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he whispers back before quickly turning back to the screen and hitting a couple more buttons. “I’ll be there in a sec.”_

_“E,” you whine quietly, eyes half lidded and heavy._

_You hear him sigh heavily and set down his controller, game paused on the screen._

_“Can I finish this campaign?” he asks, not turning back towards you. You can tell by the slump of his shoulders that you’ve got him._

_“Mmmm, if you must,” you relent as you groan and stretch your arms above your head. The sheets slip down to uncover your chest, only covered in a soft, silk tank top. A sigh slips from between your lips and you dart your eyes back over to the boy in the chair. He’s looking at you, face masked by the shadows, but you can see the way his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard. Smiling sweetly, if also a little deviously, you flip over to face the other way._

_He doesn’t finish the the campaign. Instead, the monitor's lights are shut off. You can hear his chair creak as he gets up, and his joints pop as he stretches from being in one position for too long. Then the bed dips and you feel strong hands around your shoulders as he flips you back over to face him._

_“You always get your way,” he says in mock harshness, eyes warm and soft as he gazes down at you from his spot kneeling on the bed._

_“That’s because you’re whipped.”_

_“Oh am I?”_

_“Most definitely.”_

_He raises an eyebrow at you as you let out a laugh, and then leans down to kiss you firmly on the lips. As he presses softer and softer kisses to your face, nose, cheeks, chin, he settles down into bed and pulls you closer._

_“Probably.”_

_“Definitely.”_

_“Shhhh.”_

_He gives you one last kiss and then turns you so he can pull your back against his chest. Ethan presses his lips against your bare shoulder and huffs out a long breath, body relaxing into yours._

_“Goodnight, my love,” he whispers._

_“Goodnight, E.”_

_Held in place by the man who means the most to you in the entire world, you finally feel a deep sleep pulling you back under. Sometimes, you can’t begin to fathom how you managed to get so lucky._ _Sometimes, you’re terrified it’s all just a fever dream. That you’ll wake up in the morning and everything you’ve felt_ _–_ _all the love, the heartache, the immense happiness_ _–_ _will have been a figment of your imagination. That all of this, this life you’ve built with Ethan, will be like quicksand between your fingers._

_You flip over and squint through the darkness to make out the slope of his nose, the bow of his upper lip. Your fingers press lightly into his chest and you feel a soft gust of warm breath across your face as he snuggles further into his pillow. He’s warm, solid, real. And you know, fighting against the thoughts in your sleepy mind, that he’ll always be by your side._

 

* * *

 

The day that changes your life forever never feels any different than any normal day. There’s no great flash of light, no earthquake or shattering glass, no immense feeling of “you’ll never be the same” that floods your body. It’s a moment that passes, just like any other. But that moment. That moment changes everything.

It’s a partly cloudy day in the middle of July and your feet are slipping between the sand below the surface of cool waves. The wind whips through your hair and ties it in knots. There’s a drop of sweat slowly making its way down the back of your neck, and you reach up to brush it away before it can start to tickle.

“Alright, and turn towards me one more time.”

You turn around to face a man of shorter stature with tanned skin and dark hair. He’s got a black hoodie on in the middle of summer and a fancy black camera in front of his face. His voice is steeped in Hispanic heritage and you can see a peak of a smile from under the lens.

“Perfect, hold it right there,” he instructs, and pushes the shutter button. You can hear the whirl of the gears as it captures this moment.

It’s not  _the_ moment. The moment that change everything. But almost.

A phone rings and the man with the camera curses under his breath as he reaches into his pocket.

“Yo, this is Bryant,” he says, looking down to view the picture he just took. “Oh, hey dude. Yeah, I’ve got about 20 more minutes and then I should be good to go.”

You step away from the waves and onto dryer sand. Reaching up to untangle your hair a bit, you look down the beach towards a group of tourists who are also having their own photo shoot. A dog barks as it runs around the group of children who are being begged to smile by two haggled looking parents.

“Yeah, pizza’s good. Yeah, yeah, of course pineapple works. When do we not get pineapple, you freak?” Bryant jokes, laughing to himself. “Listen, I have to go. I’ll see you in a bit.”

He puts his phone away and turns back to you.

“So sorry about that. Let’s get a few photos against the rocks over there, and then we should be good to go.”

“Sure,” you say as you follow him to an outcropping of wave-worn boulders.

It’s a few more awkward poses that you hope turn out ok, and then you’re both headed back to the parking lot.

“Thanks for reaching out for a session, it was really good to meet you,” the guy says, a friendly smile on his lips. “I really like your stuff by the way. I watched some of your videos and read some of your blog posts when you originally messaged me. They’re good.”

“Oh, thank you,” you say, a blush tinting your cheeks. “I’m not as high-profile as some of your clients.”

“Yeah you are,” Bryant assures, reaching out to nudge your shoulder. “You’re getting more followers every day, and these photos are definitely going to help.”

As you near your car, Bryant hands you his business card and readjusts the strap of his camera around his neck.

“I’ll text you and let you know when they’re ready. It’ll be a few days, but I’ll send them as soon as they’re edited.”

“Ok, sounds good,” you say, opening your car door. “Thanks again!”

As you get in your car and crank the A/C as high as it will go, you hear Bryant talking on the phone again. He’s got his car window open when you glance over.

“Hey Ethan, I’m heading your way,” he says as he starts to pull out of the parking spot. He sends a quick wave your way and peels out of the lot.

 

* * *

 

Ethan falls onto the couch with a heavy sigh and runs a hand through his sweaty bangs. It was a long workout today, the demons in his mind close at hand and he’d pushed himself hard to keep them at bay. Now, his body feels loose and his mind clear.

“Yo,” he says by way of greeting to Bryant, who has set up shop at their kitchen table to finish up some last minute edits.

“Hey,” Bryant calls absently.

“You almost done? I was thinking about seeing if Gray wanted to get sushi with us in a little bit.”

“Yeah,” Bryant says. “Give me like 15 more minutes, man, and I’ll be good.”

Ethan pushes himself off of the couch and rounds the corner into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. The condensation from the glass feels nice against his fingers, and he presses the side of it against his hot cheek. As he takes a few deep pulls of the water, he makes his way over to glance over Bryant’s shoulder.

And he has to pause for a moment.

It’s a photo of a girl. A very pretty girl, he notes. She’s on the beach, perched on a low boulder. Her head is tossed back as she laughs – Bryant's always good at getting them to laugh – and her legs are pulled up towards her chest. The sunlight beaming through her windswept hair makes it look like it’s glowing, and Ethan can’t stop staring.

“Wow,” he says involuntarily.

“Yeah, it turned out cool, didn’t it?”

“Um, yeah,” Ethan says, taking another sip of water. He scratches behind his ear and shrugs. “Who is that? I’ve never seen her.”

“Her name is y/n. She’s a newer youtuber, and she’s got a blog that’s actually pretty hilarious. She reached out a few months ago about doing a shoot and with everything going on, I’m just now getting to do it.”

“Hmm,” he murmurs, eyes still on the screen as Bryant clicks around different windows to mess with the color levels.

“Bro!” Grayson calls from further in the house. “Are we getting food at any point today? I’m starving!”

Ethan snaps his attention to the hallway where his brother is rounding the corner. His hair is a mess, probably because he took one of those power naps he’s always raving about, and his shirt is twisted around his torso. Ethan watches Grayson fix his clothing as he makes it further into the kitchen.

“Uh, yeah, Bryant and I were talking about sushi earlier. You in?”

“Hell yeah,” Grayson says, coming around the side of the table to stand beside Ethan. “Oh, sick photo, dude!”

“Thanks,” Bryant answers. He seems to be making the final touches.

“She’s a youtuber and a blogger, and Bryant said her stuff’s pretty good. Maybe we should check her–” and he’s going to stop talking now because his voice just did the weird cracking thing it does when he’s nervous and, wow, Grayson’s looking at him, eyes sharp and focused as they roam over his face.

“You want to check her out, E?” Grayson asks, eyebrow raising and smirk pulling at his lips.

“I...I mean, I just meant we should, uh, you know, maybe check out her channel. Always good to support smaller channels, right?”

Grayson rolls his eyes and rubs at his jaw like he’s fighting off a laugh. “Yeah, sure E, we can check out her channel.”

Bryant closes out of his editor and turns towards them, shaking his head. “Come on, let’s go eat before Ethan has an aneurysm over his new crush.”

Ethan sputters as Bryant and Grayson roll their eyes and grin.

“It’s not a crush! I don’t even know her! I just think the picture looks cool and  _you_ said her stuff was good,” he says, jabbing a finger towards Bryant.

“Yeah, ok. Chill, bro,” Grayson says, pulling Ethan into a one-armed hug. “Let’s go get food and not talk about your new crush.”

Ethan shoves his brother away, who immediately starts running towards the door and cackling. Bryant’s hot on his heels.

“I hate you both!” Ethan yells as he grabs his keys from the table and follows them out.

 

* * *

 

There’s a breeze coming through the open window of your third floor apartment and music softly playing over the radio as you type away at your laptop. You’ve got a new blog post scheduled in a few days and you’re almost got it just right. Bryant sent over the photos yesterday, and you’ve got to say, they look amazing.

Being in this line of work, with all of the selfies and the videos, it can get to be a lot. And sometimes, even though you try to not let it happen, the number of likes and the way people respond to your photos has an impact on how you feel. And sometimes, it may take hours to get a photo just right, and you still feel ugly and useless afterwards because you think your arms are too fat or your hips too wide, or there’s that double chin you hate.

But these photos, while heavily edited, are beautiful. And, per your request, he keep your natural beauty intact. Sure, there’s been adjustments to the coloring, and a couple filters added, but Bryant hadn’t changed how you actually look. And what a difference the right angle, the right lighting can do.

You’re adding one of his photos to your draft when your phone buzzes beside you.

_Bryant:_ _Hey, there’s a party at the beach, close to where we did our shoot, tonight if you wanna come. It’s me, some friends and others in the industry._

You bite your lips as your read over his message. While it would be good to meet some new people, it’s also a little daunting to just go and hang out with a group you’ve never met. Sure, you met Bryant a couple weeks ago, but that was for a short period of time under a professional context.

_Bryant:_ _It starts at 7 if you’re interested. I think you’d have fun._

You set your phone down on the counter beside you and push out of your chair. Starting to pace, you bring a hand up to your hair to push it away from your face.

“Ok, you should go,” you tell yourself, feet leading you in a winding path around your living room. “What’s the worst that could happen? You show up, it’s super awkward, everyone hates you, you ruin what little career you have after the more famous people tell their friends to block you, and you have to go back home? Yeah, that’s about it.”

You laugh to yourself, shaking your head. Ridiculous.

“Ok, now that that’s been said out loud, how about you not be a little bitch and just go?” you ask the plant in the corner. “You need more friends out here.” Of course, the plant doesn’t respond but, again, you’re talking to a plant and  _really_  need to get out more.

Without giving yourself more time to think about it, you grab your phone and open up your messages with Bryant.

_Me_ : I’ll be there!

Shit. Now it’s time to find something to wear.

 

* * *

 

The sand is warm under your feet and the sun has begun to sink lower in the sky as you make your way through the crowd of people. There’s music blaring and clusters of people milling around. One group starts cheering and you glance over to see a group of guys in a chugging contest. The winner, a tall, gangly guy with long blonde hair, crushes his can against his head and lets out a very, uh, manly roar. The onlookers cheer and slap him on the back.

Boys. What an interesting species.

You scan the crowd for Bryant, but can’t seem to locate him. As you’re looking, a body collides with yours and you yelp as you fall to the ground. You can feel sand gathering in your clothes and let out a  frustrated huff as you turn to find out who knocked you over.

“Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry,” says a deep voice.

And this – this is the moment.

Covered in sand, slightly sweaty from the late afternoon heat, and sprawled out on the ground, this is the moment it all changes. There’s a hand reaching out to you, and you grasp it. The sun’s blinding you from this angle, so you let the guy help you up. Knocking sand off of your clothes where you can, you finally glance up to take in the person in front of you. And wow.

The first thing you notice are the eyes, warm brown and shining in the sun. The man’s face has a couple days scruff on it and his full lips are pulled down into a frown. He blinks and then it’s as if the muscles in his jaw – that  _gorgeously defined jaw_ stopped working because his mouth just kind of falls open and stays there.

“Oh my god,” he mumbles, hands flying out like he wants to touch you but he never makes contact. “I’m so sorry.”

“You...you said that already,” you say, tongue feeling thick in your mouth. Oh god, so many tattoos. You swallow hard.

“Yeah, uh,” he clears his throat and finally drops his hands to his sides. “My brother and I were playing football and I wasn’t paying attention.”

“That’s–”

“Bro!” another guy shouts. He comes over, and wow, there’s two of them. Except, not. This one’s built a little taller, a little wider, his face slimmer, hair shorter. “Let me just apologize for my idiot brother’s inability to stay on his feet,” the guy jokes as he reaches you. His eyes widen when he finally takes the pair of you in, just the tiniest bit, and his head whips around to stare sat his twin. “Bro!”

“I know!” the guy who knocked you down says, face red and large hand covering his forehead.

“Um..hi?” you say to the both of them.

“Sorry,” the new guy says, and seriously? How many times are you going to have to hear that? “I’m Grayson, this dumbass is Ethan.”

He sticks out his hand with a smirk and you take it. “Y/N, nice to meet you.”

As you move, you can feel sand slip down the back of your shorts and try to keep the grimace off your face. Oh yes, you’re still covered in sand in front of two insanely hot men. Yes, this is your life.

Ethan sticks out his hand a little tentatively. “Hi, sorry again.”

“It’s fine,” you assure him, trying to give him a smile and hoping your face isn’t as red as it feels.

“Oh, hey,” Bryant says as he pops up beside you. “I didn’t see you get here. I see you’ve met Gray and E.”

“Yep.” You glance away from Bryant to eye the two men next to you. “We were just getting acquainted.”

“Cool, well these are my two best friends. And you’d be lucky to get to know them,” Bryant says with a strange smile. “Especially Ethan, he’s a sweetheart.”

“Bro,” comes Ethan’s voice, low and sharp. He immediately schools his scowl into a tight-lipped smile. “Ignore him.”

“No, Ethan’s great. Wouldn’t ask for a better brother,” Grayson says.

Ethan scrubs a hand over his face and then runs it through his bangs. “Thanks. Anyway....”

You can’t help but to smile at his obvious embarrassment, but keep your mouth shut. You don’t know them, and while the dynamic is intriguing, you’re clearly the outsider to an inside joke.

“Well, I’m new to LA and would love to get to know more people,” you say to break up the awkward silence that follows.

“We’d love to show you around,” Ethan offers, cheeks still a twinge pinker than what appears to be normal.

“I’d love that,” you reply, giving him a blinding smile.

The way his eyes rake over your face, and the soft smile he gives you in return, makes your heart go wild in your chest.

 

* * *

 

It’s been two months of blissful summer days spent wandering around LA, meeting new people and living every day like an adventure. And most of that bliss comes from a single source. Well, a double source, if you will.

It comes from being friends with Ethan and Grayson Dolan.

You don’t think you’ve ever laughed this hard or pushed yourself further to keep up with their harebrained ideas. It’s been a whirlwind of a friendship – something instant and catching like fire.

The first time you all hang out is at the twins’ house. It’s a day spent soaking up sun by the pool and so much skin making an appearance that you swear your face burns more from your blush than from the sunburn. Ethan splashes around in the pool and drags Grayson under the water, which launches into an epic battle and with copious amounts of profanity and screaming. It’s a great show. If you have to suck down a giant glass of ice water after you catch yourself focusing on the way Ethan’s back muscles ripple as he pulls Grayson backwards through the water to flip them both towards the deep end, well no one has to know. Just when you think you’re safe from the shenanigans, the boys turn to you with an evil gleam in their eye.

“Don’t you dare!” you tell them, sternly.

 Ethan chuckles, something dark and dangerous, as he lifts himself out of the pool by his arms. Your gulp hard as water rushes down his toned arms and chest, and his muscles work to push him further up the ledge. You look away as he gets to his feet. 

It’s a bad move, looking away, because the next thing you know there’s wet skin against yours and you’re being hoisted into the air.

“Ethan!” you shriek, twisting in his grip. You don’t budge. And now is not the time to think about the warm, slippery skin rubbing against yours. “NO!” 

“Ethan, yes!” Grayson shouts from the water.

The last thing you hear before you hit the cold water is Ethan’s loud laughter mixing in with Grayson’s cheers.

From then on, you’re all pretty inseparable.

A few weeks later, they introduce you to the congestion of Melrose – complete with “clean eating” brunch and copious amounts of shopping. It’s a beautiful day and made even brighter by the two boys who don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks. They show you all the best places to go, and even give you the lowdown on how to be an “LA Girl”, complete with fake valley voices and mindless laughter. Grayson has you almost falling to the ground with his impressions of the people that walk by.

Throughout the day, Ethan’s a constant presence by your side. Grayson walks off into a store on his own, or offers to grab everyone coffee at a shop on the corner, but Ethan goes wherever you wanted to go. His sarcastic way of approaching conversation matches your quick-witted banter and the energy between you vibrates with every new dig. At one point, he reaches out and lightly shoves your shoulder, laughter full in his belly and head thrown back. You knock him right back, and soon you two are scuffling on the sidewalk and unable to breathe from yelling ridiculous nonsense at each other.

“Alright love birds, knock it off!” Grayson jokes as he runs to catch up. “Save it for the bedroom.”

Ethan turned to his brother, eyes narrowed. “Fuck off, Gray.”

You just roll your eyes before taking a step away from Ethan’s personal space. The smell of his sweet cologne still lingers in your nose as you turned away from them to continue down the sidewalk. You can hear them bickering lowly behind you, but you decide to leave them to it.

Here’s the thing. There’s definitely a spark with Ethan. There’s butterflies and tightness in your chest whenever he’s standing close, and you sometimes feel like a babbling idiot when he’s looking at you, intense and focused, while you speak. He’s beautiful, and kind, and just ticks off so many boxes on your list for a future partner. There’s just one problem – neither of you have the confidence to make a move.

It’s not like you don’t want to see where the sometimes insufferable amount of tension will lead, it’s just, you’re new to LA, you’ve finally found friends, and you don’t want to mess that up. And Ethan doesn’t seem keen to push across that line either, for whatever reasons he’s got up his sleeve. So you’re both just stuck in this game of tug of war, both pulling each other nearly over the edge until someone has the strength to pull the other direction.

 

* * *

  

It’s an epic game of hide and seek, ok. Like so epic that you, the boys, and Bryant have been playing for hours and each round is more intense than the last.

You’ve won twice, Bryant’s won once, and Ethan and Grayson are tied at four times each. It’s the final round, and it’s Grayson’s turn to search. If Ethan is the last man standing, he’s going to be such a little shit about winning. Honestly, you’re not sure if you want him to win or not. On the other hand, Grayson’s gonna yell for an hour about how he defeated everyone, so either way it’s going to be a long rest of the day.

“99..98..97,” Grayson’s voice sings from the patio.

You check as you pass the glass door that he’s actually covering his eyes, and it looks like he’s following the rules for once. Ethan runs through the room, laughing maniacally as his socks slide against the hardwood. He whips his head around to wink at you before he disappears towards Grayson’s room.

“71...70...69,” Grayson counts behind you.

“Shit, shit where am I hiding this time?” Behind the couch? Lame. You’ve already hidden in a cabinet in the kitchen. Can’t hide in either shower, those spots have been used before by the others. “Ummm.”

You decide to follow Ethan’s lead and run down the hall into Grayson’s room to frantically search around. You glance under the bed, but it’s too tight of a space with all the stuff he’s got under there.

“Fuck!” you whisper under your breath. “Shit.”

You start to head out of his room when the door to Grayson’s Japanese-styled armoire opens and a hand reaches out to pull you inside.

“Fuck!” you yelp again as you stumble inside. You look up see Ethan shaking his head fondly at you and pulling the door shut. 

“Shhh,” he warns. 

“We can’t share a spot! He’ll find us easier!” you hiss at him.

“Well do you have any better ideas?” he answers.

No. 

“But.”

“Shhh, he’s stopped counting.”

“You can’t lose tho–”

He pushes the tips of his fingers against your lips and silences you with a hard glare.

You both hear footsteps further in the house and an, “I’m going to get you Ethan!”

Ethan breathes out slowly from his nose and adjusts his weight. The wood beneath you creaks ominously and he freezes, eyes wide. After a moment you hear Grayson move further away in the house, probably towards the kitchen.

Ethan’s fingers remain on your lips, even with the threat of discovery dwindling. You notice, as you can hear your heart pounding in your ears – from the intense game, no other reason at all – that he’s very close, and there’s just enough light in the cramped space to make out his face. The weight of his stare makes you feel unsteady.

After a moment, his fingers let up their incessant pressure, but instead of dropping his hand, his fingers trace down the side of your cheek and around to the nape of your neck to tangle in your hair. It feels like you can’t breathe, like he’s pulled all the air from your hiding spot and all you can focus on is the man in front of you. You can’t help letting your gaze linger on his soft, full lips. His tongue pokes out and swipes over them for a brief moment and you glance up to meet his eyes. Even in the dim light they seem to shine.

You watch as he nods a bit to himself, like he’s made a decision, and then there’s pressure behind your head where his hand rests. He starts to lean forward, and you watch, transfixed, as his eyes dart down to your lips and then back to your eyes, and then repeat the path as he slowly leans in. You can feel his breath against your lips, the warmth of his skin, and shut your eyes.

It feels like the moment hangs in the balance for a lifetime, but also only for the blink of an eye. His lips barely graze yours, that split moment right before a kiss happens that’s all anticipation and shallow breath, when there’s the thunder of two sets of footsteps and a bang outside the door. 

“I’m going to find you, you asshole!” Grayson shouts as he barges into his room.

It feels like ice water has been thrown down your back and you quickly open eyes and pull back. Ethan’s face is a mixture of irritation and longing, and he drops his hand with a quiet sigh. You miss the contact immediately. 

Only a moment later does the door on your side of the armoire open and Grayson shouts that he’s found you before cursing that that means Ethan’s been found last. You stumble out, and Grayson catches you. The world feels a little unsteady, like it’s brand new and completely disorienting after being in the dark. After being so consumed by Ethan's presence, and Ethan just a moment away from finally kissing you. It's a little strange to leave that space and step back into reality after so many things have changed, and so many new questions have been left unanswered.

“Wait, what? Are you serious!?” Grayson asks, throwing open the other door. “If I’d just picked the other door to open first I would have won?”

Ethan steps out and pats his brother in faux consolation “Yeah, buddy. Appears that way.”

Grayson groans and throws his head back as Bryant congratulates Ethan on his win. Ethan thanks him, but glances back at you every few moments. His fingers run through his hair and he can’t seem to keep his body still.

“So, um, as victor, I saw we go get pizza,” Ethan says after a moment. “Grayson pays.”

“We have the same bank account doofus.”

“Whatever, buy me pizza loser,” Ethan says, pushing his brother out the way as he exits the room.

“Gotta make sure it’s dairy free!” Bryant shouts as he follows the boys out of the room.

What just happened?

 

* * *

 

That tension all comes to a head one day in late August.

You’re sitting in the backseat of the jeep behind Kyle as he films the twins for a future video. Ethan turns towards the camera quickly as he explains that they’d recently found a cool place to go hiking that ended in a big cliff with a waterfall. For the video, they’ll be answering questions sent in by fans, and if they get the answers wrong, they’ll have to go higher and higher on the cliffs to jump off.

“Yeah, it’s gonna be sick!” Grayson says beside you. Kyle angels the camera to him in the back and zooms in close so you’re not in the shot. “The last jump is pretty high, and I’m really hoping I don’t have to do it. It’d be cool if E did though.” He gives the camera a smirk and wiggles his eyebrows.

“Yeah, of course it would be,” Ethan grumbles as he starts to decelerate and take a sharp turn. 

Kyle pulls the camera away from them to get a couple shots out of the window as the car starts to wind through the forest. The weather is warm, and there are only a few fluffy clouds high in the sky. Ethan’s got the air conditioning cranked all the way up, and Grayson, once again, tries to reach forward to turn the fan down.

Ethan slaps his hand away and loudly says, “Fuck, dude, stop!”

“I’m cold!” Grayson gripes, sitting back in his seat. “E, turn it down!”

Ethan lets out a loud, long-suffering sigh and turns the air down a single notch like it’s going to kill him. You place a hand over your mouth so you don’t make any noise and roll your eyes. Drama queen. 

“Ok, I think we’ve got enough footage of this,” Kyle says after a few more minutes of filming.

“Cool.” Ethan reaches towards the radio and turns the music up. It’s a throwback, and all of the boys in the car start singing at the top of their lungs. Now, instead of holding your laughter inside, you let it out freely. When you look up at the rear view mirror, you catch Ethan’s eyes already watching you, a soft smile on his face.

When you finally get to the unloading area, you hop out and stretch. It’s been a bit of a drive and you’re ready to get going. The boys all pile out with their own groans as they get reacquainted with the ground before heading to the trunk to grab their supplies. Grayson slides on his backpack full of extra batteries and and backup lenses, and Ethan grabs the tripod. Kyle grabs the cooler of drinks, and you pick up the bags of snacks you know will be devoured the instant you’re all settled at the top of the rocks.

It’s a relatively short hike up a trail to get to the lookout. You hear the water rushing before you reach the edge, and as you glance over, the churning water below gives you an uneasy feeling in your stomach.

“Have you guys checked to see how deep that is?” you ask, setting down the bag of snacks.

“Uh, kinda,” Ethan says as he fiddles with the tripod. “Gray and I jumped off the cliff we’re starting out on a few weeks ago and didn’t die, so I figure we’ll go good.”

“Well that’s reassuring,” you reply, sarcasm dripping off your tongue.

“We’ll be fine,” Grayson replies with a huff and a short one-armed hug. “Don’t worry.” He ruffles your hair just to annoy you before stepping away to set down his bag.

“Ok,” Ethan says as he adjusts the go-pro. “I think this’ll be a good angle to catch us landing in the water. Kyle, you get comfortable a little higher up and see what angle we need to start the questions.”

Kyle moves as Ethan directs and Grayson climbs up further to another outcropping of rocks to set up another go-pro to film their air time. “All good up here!” he calls as he climbs back down. 

“Alright, ready?” Ethan asks, brushing his hands against his trunks. He looks to you and offers up a reassuring smile before pulling Grayson to a log to sit down. “We good, Kyle?” 

“Yeah, man. Let’s do this.” Kyle presses record and you watch the boys turn on their million-dollar smiles for the camera.

"What's up guys! We're back!"

Making yourself comfortable, you settle in to watch.

Grayson misses the first question and grunts as he gets up from the log. He swipes at his trunks as he finds his footing on the edge of the cliff.

“First jump of the day!” Ethan whoops from off camera. Kyle steps around an outcropping of loose roots to get a better angle of Grayson gearing up to jump. Kyle nods when he’s got the angle right, and Grayson lets out a yell as he jumps into the water below. The splash is big and loud, and he pops up a few moments later with an, “It’s fucking freezing!”

After that, it’s a pretty normal shoot. Ethan and Grayson play up their rivalry for the camera, and cheer each other on as they climb higher and higher with each wrong answer. Ethan has a streak where he misses three in a row, and he jumps ahead of Grayson in cliff height. Then Grayson misses a string of answers, and they’re both at the highest cliff.

“Ok, last question,” Ethan says with a devilish grin. He claps his hands before rubbing them together and looking down at the water below. “Honestly, this isn’t any worse than that time Grayson had to jump from that cliff in Australia, so I’m not worried.”

“Yeah, because you didn’t have to do it!” Grayson grumbles beside him. He’s also staring at the water below and biting his lip.

At this point, you’ve followed the boys up to the top so that you can hear them and cheer them on from behind the camera. They’re both shivering, the summer wind causing a chill on their skin. 

“Let’s get this over with,” Ethan says and points to the camera. “Ok, last question – what is a baby walrus named?”

Kyle counts down behind the camera and the boys begin shouting answers.

“Pup!”

“Kitten!”

“Colt!”

“I don’t know, a baby!”

You can’t help but grin at them as they frantically shout the words that come to mind. They’ve got their arms around each other as if to physically hold the other back from answering correctly.

“Babe!”

“Chick!”

“Cub!” 

“Calf!”

“Yes! Grayson got it!” Kyle says. 

“No!” Ethan shouts and shoves his brother away from him as he runs a hand through his hair. 

“Oh my god, yes!” Grayson fist pumps the air and spins around. “Thank god!” 

Ethan pouts as he looks over the side of the cliff. It’s a couple feet higher than the last and they’ve both told their future viewers that the last jump had hurt the worst from how high they were getting. 

“Um..ok, here I go I guess.”

He glances back at you and gives you a weak smile before turning to the edge.

“You’ve got this bro,” Grayson says with a pat on the back. 

“Grayson, I swear to God if you push me off of this cliff I will kill you.” 

Grayson laughs as he backs away and Ethan takes a deep breath before jumping. 

And it should be like all the other jumps. A exclamation, a splash, a short pause, and then a cheer. Except it’s not. It’s a jump, an exclamation, a splash, and then a shout of pain. 

“Oh, fuck!” Comes Ethan’s strained voice below. “Fuck!” 

“Ethan?!” Grayson shouts as he steps to the edge of the rocks. “E!”

Ethan just grunts back and you watch, frozen, as Grayson runs past you, jumping from ledge to ledge as he races down to the water. Kyle shoves the camera at you as he chases after Grayson. 

“E!” Grayson yells, and there’s splashing, but you can’t see anything.

It feels like years, but most only be moments before you’re able to unglue your feet from the earth and run to the edge of the cliff. Below, Grayson’s in the water pulling Ethan to the edge. And oh God, there’s blood. 

“Ethan,” Grayson shouts again and Ethan whines low in his chest as Grayson pulls him the rest of the way out of the water. He’s cradling his arm to his chest, and there’s blood slowly oozing out of a long gash from elbow to the middle of his forearm.

“Stop yelling,” Ethan groans as he leans away from his brother’s frantic touches. “I’m ok.” 

“Do you need stitches?” Kyle asks as he rummages through the bags. He pulls out one of their t-shirts and hands it to Grayson, who wraps it around Ethan’s arm to staunch the blood flow.

“No.” 

“Probably,” Grayson says as he presses down on Ethan’s cut.

It feels like your a million miles away from them, but you’re rooted to the spot. Even your voice, when you open your mouth to speak, has disappeared.

Ethan huffs a breath at his brother and stares down at his arm. “Man, and on the last jump too.”

“Yeah,” Grayson replies. He seems to be calming down, and the cloth has stopped most of the bleeding. Ethan grits his teeth as Grayson presses down hard one more time before easing up. “Not only is there a gash, but this is going to bruise like a bitch. Does it feel broken?"

"No."

Let’s get you to the doctor so they can patch you up." Grayson moves as if to get up but is stopped by Ethan reaching for him.

“Can’t we just put super glue on it like we did with your head that one time? I don’t want to have to spend the rest of the day in the ER for this.”

You watch Grayson and Ethan have a silent debate between each other, their eyes fixed and mouths a grim line. Ethan’s eyes are bright from the pain, an Grayson’s cheeks are flushed from the adrenaline. 

“Fine, we’ll try it, but if it doesn’t hold, we’re going to the ER.” 

“Deal.”

Grayson helps Ethan to his feet, careful not to jostle his arm too much. 

Kyle and Grayson start packing up the gear and you glance down at the camera in your hands. You turn off the recording and grip it tightly to your chest so it doesn’t fall. It’s easier to fiddle with the buttons on the camera than focus on the three boys below. It’s easier than thinking about all of the ways that jump could have gone worse. Could have ended in a Ethan bleeding in so many worse places. 

“Hey,” Ethan calls from below. You glance up to see the boys are looking up at you. “Good to go?”

You nod and hold the camera tightly as you make your way down to the lower level. Grayson and Kyle turn towards the trail and start making their way down while Ethan pauses to wait for you.

“Hey,” he says, softer this time and voice a little raspy. “You ok?”

You stare at the bloody cloth wrapped around your arm and just nod. No, you’re not. But this isn’t about you, it’s about him and his jump, and how he could have smashed his head on the rock that cut up his arm and he could have died. He swings his good arm around your shoulder and holds his bandaged one to his chest.

“Baby,” he says, voice raw. He's still breathing hard from the jump.

You snap your head up to look at him, and you feel like all you can hear is the blood rushing through your body. Did he just...right now? This is how this is happening?

He blushes. “Um, I mean...I-” 

“You’re hurt.” 

“It’s not bad,” he says with a pained grimace. His fingers brush over your shoulder and sparks ignite under your skin.

“You just called me–”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

His eyes trace over your face, as if searching out a lie. When he seems satisfied with your answer, he smiles, small and tentative, and leans forward. You step out from under his arm, body shaking with all of the conflicting emotions and adrenaline from the past few minutes.

“I can’t.”

“What?”

“I just...not right now, ok?” you ask, looking at his hurt face. “I’m sorry.”

He clears his throat and kicks at the ground. Dust rises and covers the top of his foot and shoes in grimy brown.

 “Hey, hurry up back there!” Kyle yells from up ahead. He’s barely visible from a bend in the path. “Grayson’s run ahead to get the car started.”

“Yeah, ok,” you tell him and turn back to Ethan. “Let’s go, we need to get your arm checked.” 

Ethan sighs beside you and follows as you make your way down the path. It’s a quiet walk back, and your mind trips over itself at a million miles a minute. You can’t seem to focus on a single string of thought. Ethan called you  _baby_ , which makes you want to scream with excitement because that’s something you’ve imagined him slipping up and saying for months now. But you also feel like screaming because you’re still so scared – things could have been so much worse today. How can you feel so elated but so terrified at the same time? 

Ethan gets relegated to the backseat for the drive home, and he glances at you ever couple minutes the entire ride. He keeps his free hand firmly twisted in his hair as his eyes switch from gazing out at the landscape and your face. He opens his mouth a couple times as if to say something before he thinks better of it with other people around and promptly turns away again.

As soon as Grayson parks the jeep, Ethan gets out of the car and slams the door behind him. You all watch as he storms off around the back of the house to let himself in through the back door that’s never locked. Grayson raises his eyebrow at you in the rear view mirror. 

“Do I want to know?”

You shrug and open your door as Kyle gets out to follow Ethan around back. 

“Probably not. I’m going to head home, text me if you need anything and keep me updated about the arm.”

Grayson shuts his car door and follows you around to yours. “I will. You sure you don’t want to stay?”

You shake your head. “I’ll come back tonight, or maybe tomorrow. You go deal with him.”

Grayson nods and gives you a quick hug before heading to the front door to unlock it. “See you.” 

“Yeah.”

The quiet on the drive home is freeing and suffocating all at once. When you get home, you immediately take a hot shower and the scalding water helps. It soothes your tense muscles and loosens the grip on your chest. If you let out a few tears while you wash your hair, well that’s just from getting some soap in your hair.

It takes two more hours of restless energy before you realize you can’t be here. You should have stayed with Ethan and made sure he’s ok. You check your phone to see a text from Grayson.

_Grayson:_ _Doctor Dolan fixed him up fine – glue’s holding and we put some fresh bandages on. He’s holed up in his room. Whatever happened, come fix it._

You sigh and stare up at the ceiling from where you’re laying on your couch. All you can think about is all of the horrible things that could have happened. And it’s like you can’t even believe he’s fine, that he was able to come home and have Grayson do first aid like a champ because they get hurt  _all the time_ doing stupid shit, and now he’s just chilling at home as he heals.

And he called you  _baby_ and you shot him down. 

You punch the back of the couch as you get up and grab your keys.

Damnit. 

You’re back at the house in record time, and Grayson greets you on your second knock. He just motions towards Ethan’s room as he heads back into the living room where Tame Impala is playing softly from the stereo.

You knock gently on Ethan’s door and don’t get a response, but open it anyway.

“What are you doing here?” he mumbles, face pressed into his pillows. Ethan’s completely buried under his comforter, his hair sticking up in all directions as if he’s been restless too.

“I needed to see you.”

“To reject me again?” he snaps, but then sighs and runs a hand over his cheek. He doesn’t say anything else.

“That’s not what happened.” You crawl up onto his bed next to him and lay down so you’re both evenly settled. 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” He’s staring intently again, but you can tell his walls are up. His body’s tense beside yours. “I was scared.”

He nods. You reach out to grab uninjured arm that's sticking out of the covers and twine your fingers with his. He lets you but doesn’t grip yours back. 

“All I could think about was, what if you’d jumped a little more to the right? What if you’d hit your head? What if you’d landed on your back?”

He swallows and looks down, away from you. “I didn’t.”

“But you could have.” 

“But I didn’t. I do stupid shit all the time, and I should have died a lot of those times, but I haven’t.”

You shiver and turn onto your back to face his ceiling.

“That bothers you,” he says.

“It does.”

“I won’t stop." 

“I know.”

You feel his body move closer to yours, and his good arm comes to rest over your stomach. You can feel him exhale against the side of your face and you turn to look at him. He’s only a few inches away. For some inexplicable reason there’s tears in your eyes suddenly. He’s real, he’s here, his arm an anchor to his bed. And his eyes are boring into yours. 

“Say it again.” 

Ethan squints at you and his fingers twitch against your side. “What?”

“Ethan, say it.” 

It takes a moment but then a blinding smile takes over his face. 

“Say what, baby?”

You turn onto your side to face him fully and reach out to cradle his face in your hands.

“Again.” 

“Baby,” he whispers, eyes roaming over your face. He wets his lips.

“Again.”

“ _Baby_.” This time, there’s a roughness in his voice, like something’s lodged in his throat, and he swallows hard.

You lean forward the same time he does, and the press of his lips against yours is soft and firm. His fingers press against your cheek as you pull him in tighter against you, and he groans into the kiss as it deepens. You press closer still, so your bodies are flush against each other. 

“Ow,” he mumbles against your lips.

You pull away quickly and can feel where you’ve pressed against his hurt arm under the covers.

“I’m sorry.”

 He shakes his head and leans back as he starts to laugh. You soon follow suit.

“Oh my god,” you say between bouts of laughter.

“Yeah.”

As the giddiness dies down, he reaches over and pushes the hair from your forehead.

“So, you going to reject me again?” he asks with a mocking smile. 

You roll your eyes and lightly punch his shoulder. “Never.”

“Oh, never?” he asks with a smirk. You move in close again, climbing over to straddle his lap and avoid his hurt arm. His good hand comes up to grip your hip to hold you steady. “Really?”

“Nope, never. You’re stuck with me Dolan.”

He leans up and captures your lips in a sweet kiss.

“Just what I was hoping for,” he whispers before pulling you down and kissing you so thoroughly your lips start to tingle.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to stop by on Tumblr and say hi or talk, feel free -- @cantfolddolan
> 
> I'd also like to thank @graysonsangrybritishaccent (tumblr) for helping with my writers block! <3


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